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and flowers are such effective romance aides
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as a flower behind the ear, and other simple changes create visual
excitement.
4. Touch. The feel of a lover’s skin may seem too familiar to be
arousing, but that’s only because the couple have allowed their sense
to become dulled with familiarity. A woman’s skin may actually be
more sensitive to touch during perimenopause and after. And a man,
as noted earlier, becomes more capable of sensual, rather than purely
sexual, expression with age.
5. Sound. The sound of a lover’s voice may also seem too familiar
to be arousing. Again, that need not be true. Some midlife couples
have fallen into rigid communication patterns. They say the same
things to each other in the same tones of voice. Their voices no longer
show great animation or register seductive depths.
FIVE EXERCISES FOR REAWAKENING THE SENSES
AT MIDLIFE
1. The sensory surprise. Incorporate some unexpected sensory de-
lights into your lovemaking. If she loves roses, spray the room lightly
with rosewater and put fresh roses beside the bed in bud vases.
Sprinkle some loose petals on the bed and use one later to massage
her nipples or clitoris. Try to add a detail that will ignite each one of
the five senses. That’s not as hard as it seems. Soft music, candlelight,
and flowers are such effective romance aides because they appeal
directly to the senses.
2. Practice the technique of “touch focusing.” Close out everything
else and concentrate solely on what you are touching. First, try sitting
with bare backs, back to back, eyes closed. How does your lover’s
skin feel against yours? How does the feeling change when one
moves? Then feel the skin under your hands as you stroke his or her
body during lovemaking. Note how the texture of the skin changes
from one area to another, how varying the pressure makes touch a
different experience.
3. Add the technique of “touch expansion.” Introduce some unusual
materials into lovemaking. Fur, silk, feathers, velvet, leather, ice,
flower petals - all can be used to erotic effect on genitals and other
.
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