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live together. “The best ideas were the simple ones, especially keeping
your eyes open during lovemaking. I’d gotten in the habit of using
favorite fantasies during lovemaking, and I thought I couldn’t come
without them. So I closed my eyes, and had my own fantasies; I was
having sex almost alone. Once I began keeping my eyes open, I didn’t
need the fantasies as often. I began really paying attention to Jerry,
feeling and experiencing him in a new way, as well as experiencing
my own arousal on a deeper level.
“The eye lock, looking deeply into one another’s eyes and holding
the gaze, is the most intensely intimate experience either one of us
has ever had. The first time I looked into his eyes at the point of or-
gasm, I was blown away by the emotions I felt. The orgasm was so
much more complex. He has had the same experience. Opening your
eyes is the best way to connect more strongly with your partner.”
Studies have shown that 90 percent of women close their eyes while
kissing. Only a third of men do. During orgasm, men are still more
likely to keep their eyes open than women, but the majority of both
genders either close their eyes or look away from their partner at the
moment of climax. Men often bury their faces in a woman’s neck or
a pillow. There are several reasons for this behavior. Some people
may fear that open eyes will disconnect them from their own sensa-
tions. They may feel emotionally distant from their partners. Body-
image issues may force them into hiding behind their own eyelids.
Or they may feel awkward about exposing themselves this way. We
are never so vulnerable as when we allow our sexual arousal to be
seen.
Rather than diminishing erotic pleasure, keeping your eyes open
during lovemaking turns up the emotional heat. Some Tantric sex
positions utilize this concept to help lovers transcend routine lovemak-
ing and achieve a deeper, more spiritual union - as does the Kaballah,
a book of Jewish mysticism - but don’t skip this section if you balk
at the word “spiritual.” Meaningful eye contact during sex intensifies
the physical sensations by deepening the emotional connection
between lovers. That is not an esoteric concept. It’s a hot sex tip.
Try the following ways of making sex more eye-opening:
1. Open your eyes occasionally while kissing. The visual stimula-
tion will probably increase your arousal, as well as provide your
partner useful feedback on how well his or her kissing techniques
are working. Some studies have shown that men bond more in-
tensely with women when they make eye contact during kissing.
2. Practice the eye lock. Look deeply into each other’s eyes as
you are caressing each other. Hold the look. Do this more than
once. You probably won’t realize how little you do look into
each other’s eyes during lovemaking until you practice the eye
lock.
3. Make frequent eye contact during oral sex. Glance up from
your partner’s genitals while performing oral sex. Make eye
contact. The impact may be electrifying.
4. Look into each other’s eyes during intercourse. The face-to-
face intercourse positions encourage eye contact. Utilize the
opportunities inherent in those positions. Don’t look away when
you feel arousal increase, exactly the point when connecting
will intensify the feelings.
5. Open your eyes during orgasm. Eyes open orgasms may feel
more explosive and emotional than other orgasms; the afterglow
may be more tender and prolonged. Looking into your lover’s
eyes at the point of orgasm is like giving an erotic gift. Even if
the concentration isn’t always intense, the practice is likely to
generate greater feelings of closeness between a couple.
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